student essays Teacher Training 2009 author Caitlin

Faith/Shraddha

 Caitlin Ryan

31/01/09

         Over the years my religious and spiritual life has changed and evolved, died only to be reborn again, leading finally to the quiet spirituality I have found in yoga.  I grew up in Stillwater, Oklahoma, which is primarily conservative, religious, homogenous farmland.  The difference between my peers and I (the only glaring difference I felt, anyway) was that my parents were atheists, and my family didn't go to church.  The lack of church attendance probably would not have been a problem in other parts of the country, but in Stillwater the first question you are asked upon introduction is "What church do you go to?" (Yes, children are asked this as well.) I'm sure the question was an innocent and well meaning conversation starter, but as a child when I responded "We don't go to church!" I was not unaware of the looks of disapproval, disdain and pity on the faces of my young friend's parents, and in turn on my friend's faces as well; after all children learn tolerance as well as intolerance from their parents.

         I quickly learned that if I wanted to have friends and fit in, I had better start going to church and believing in God.  I convinced my parents to take me to a few church services, a Catholic church on Easter, a Presbyterian church on Christmas Eve, to a community pot-luck at the Unitarian Universalists, finally choosing to attend the Baptist church that every single one of my friends attended.  What I found there among my thirteen and fourteen year old peers was fear, peer pressure and hypocrisy.  We would have youth group meetings where the lessons of abstinence from sexual contact, drinking, smoking, even loud "rock" music, were drilled into us under fear of Hell.  I was scared and I wanted to fit in, and even got to the point that I had convinced my self that I believed in something I had been brought up to believe was a lie. 

         As I got older and met different people for whom friendship was not contingent on church attendance, I began to let go of my ill-begotton beliefs, and began to lean towards my parent's (the botanist and the geneticist) views towards rationalism, humanism and science.  I looked down on religion and as a typical teenager, thought I knew everything.  While this viewpoint seemed logical to me for a few years I began to realize that I had hazy beliefs and questions about things that science couldn't explain.  It was then that I decided I was agnostic.  I liked the label of agnostisiscm because I felt I could explore different aspects of spirituality and still be grounded in science.  I realized that it was arrogent to think that I could know and understand everything that happens in the Universe, and I was ok with saying " I don't know".

         When I had my one-on-one with Chantal, she asked me what I believed in and what I had faith in, and the question stumped me.  I couldn't put into words any specific belief or name something I had faith in, so I went home and have been thinking about this question ever since.  The answers I've come up with are still not easily defined or put into words, but I realized that the answers I have found have become stronger and clearer through yoga.

         First it's important to understand what faith really means.  In Sanskrit the term for faith is shraddha. 

"Shraddha is a faith that you are moving in the right direction. It is not a blind faith in some organization, institution, or teacher. Rather, it is an inner feeling of certainty that you are moving in the right direction. You may not know exactly how your journey is unfolding, but have an inner intuition of walking steadily towards the goal of life."  The connection of faith to Yoga is strong, even for those just practicing more superficially and only doing the asanas.  To begin a new practice, no matter what it may be takes some amount of courage.  You have to have faith in yourself and your ability to adapt to the new situation you are about to put yourself in.  Once you have taken the first step and begun your practice, you need to have faith that by continuing the practice you can affect change in your body and in your mind. 

          In Pantanjali's Yoga Sutras, 1:20, Pantanjali writes, "Wholeness is preceded by faith, energy, mindfulness, union, and awareness. "  We need to have faith in the process, the practice, the outcome, the teacher, and the yoga.  Faith is made up of trust in ourselves and trust in the experience of life working out.   Martin Luther King Jr said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."  Faith is the williness to step forward with no guarantee that we won't fall.  The mystery of the universe and our existence in it demands faith in everything we do, every day.          I didn't realize this before, but having faith doesn't mean you have to have religion, or even believe in God.  It doesn't mean you move forward knowing the end result, it just means that you trust that no matter what the end result is, you can handle it.  I have realized that I've had faith all along; "The faith of each is in accordance with his nature, O Arjuna.

The man consists of his faith; as a man's faith is, so is he."- Gita, Ch. 17, Verse 3 

         Not only did I need it to begin my practice, but I know that I have increased it through my practice.  I continue to cultivate a faith in the interconnectedness of the Universe.  Through the Yamas and Niyamas I can see the effects that I can have on my self, and through my actions the effects I can have on those around me.  While this responsibility can seem heavy, when looked at with an open heart I can feel my faith in my ability to positively affect the world around me grow.  I have heard many people say that we (as individuals) can't change the world, but I have faith (I KNOW) that we can.  With every action or non-action, with every thought and word we change the world every day, and it's up to us to choose the good action, the positive thought, the right word. 

         Not only do I have faith in my self, but I have learned a real faith in yoga too.  Faith in the practice is essential to yoga, but it is also developed by the practice.  When I began the teacher training I'm not sure I had faith in anything else but the asanas ability to make me stronger and more flexible.  I hadn't given much thought to the transformative powers of pranayama and meditation, and began practicing them merely as homework, not knowing what to expect.  As I practiced I began to notice changes, most notably the reduction of my chronic headaches and some reduction in my back pain.  I've also noticed that I feel calmer, happier, more content.

          It seems that faith is  a self fulfilling prophecy.  Without faith I wouldn't have begun to practice and without practice I wouldn't have developed my faith!  The Sanskrit term Virya also plays a role in faith.  "Virya is the positive energy of ego that is the support for the faith of going in the right direction. This energy of virya puts the power behind your sense of knowing what to do. When you are strongly acting on what you know to be your correct path, that is virya. When you feel weak or uncertain, and are taking little action, that is from lack of virya."  Virya is that conviction that says, "I can do it! I will do it! I have to do it!"

         Through yoga I have found a deeper connection to my self, to nature and to those around me.  I have finally found my faith, not through church, but through movement, and through stillness.

References

1. The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerner; Jack Hawley

2. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

3. Belief and Faith, Sri Chimnoy, http://www.yogaofsrichinmoy.com/the_higher_worlds/belief

4. http://www.swamij.com/yoga-sutras

5. http://www.hinduism.co.za/faith.htm

6. Yoga to cultivate compassion, gratitude and joy, Timothy McCall M.D., Yoga Journal